think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize