so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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