A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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