Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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