Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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