There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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