Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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