when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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