okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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