do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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