you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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