I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize