Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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