hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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