as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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