my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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