I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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