Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize