that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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