I think I died a long time ago.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize