I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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