my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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