tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize