and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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