I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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