Your dad touched me again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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