im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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