I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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