i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize