My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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