We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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