Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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