The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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