I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize