he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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