Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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