Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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