Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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