I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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