I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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