i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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