At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize