It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We're too hungover to prance.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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