She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are a genius and a whore.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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