I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
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was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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