i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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