You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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