lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize