is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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