I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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